Easy simple steps to the Shokoloza

As a white South African I find it difficult to integrate myself with the African culture. Seeing that a white person is represented with two left feet. I have formulated simple steps to a simple African dance called the "Shokoloza". This will help white people mix well and become popular among the black crowds.

1. Stick your ass out
2. Bend your knees slightly
3. know find a person close by 
4. move your butt left to right and up an down
5. while doing step 4 you have to say the word "Shokoloza" several time.

Theses five steps will have you jamming in no time with the locals in Thembisa and Alexandra. Now go and get you Tsotsi on! 

Malema's death wish

Former ANC Youth League President Julius Malema has once again found himself in a big pile of horse radish. He just doesn't know when enough is enough.

Australia has called for sanctions against us, Jacob Zuma is about to declare South Africa as a state of emergency and warrants of arrest have been issued to JUJU. Treason is another as he has targeted the South African Army. The headlines this morning showed that he will be turning himself in on charges of money laundering(Ratanang Trust), corruption and fraud. The other charges will hopefully follow     shortly after.


One man with no position and such power shows how many of us are ignorant and naive. He has caused havoc as well as detriment to our beloved South Africa. He was lucky to still get away with jail time because a bullet between the eyes would have been more appropriate.1821 is the year Napoleon died in Longwood on the island of St Helena. An island so small one can hardly see it on the world map (I think you all know where I'm going with this). Sentenced to exile.

Nelson Mandela created the humanistic philosophy of ubuntu whereas all race groups live together happily. That went out the window when that Moron got voice! So lets stand together as a country Black, White, Indian, Coloured and Asian and get rid of this racist dictator! Its time that we the people do whats right for our future. Investors are getting cold feet, tourism will be slowing down and the worse is still to come.

No positivity can possibly come from this. The future is in our hands.

Steve Hofmeyr

The TOP OF THE DAY goes to Steve(the South African HOFF) for his great interview on 5FM this morning.

The 1.9 Million record seller displayed good sportsmanship as he took kind insults for the team as well as reading a passage from the book "Fifty Shades of Grey". Which I must admit I did get aroused to a certain extent.
Gareth Cliff and the team had a fulfilling laugh as Steve's quick come backs to comments made by the caller were almost instantaneous. Gareth calling him a racist also didn't nudge him much.
Steve is sharp and witty, he is a true inspiration!

Watch Steve on the roast on Comedy Central on Monday. Lets see if he is able to defend himself.
Follow him on twitter @steve_hofmeyr for further information.

COSATU fail!

The Congress Of South African Trade Unions (COSATU) had representatives on a flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town. They were on a local flight, about 20 representatives boarded the plane and were already in a jolly mood.

Speaking overly loudly and announcing to everyone they had triumphed and agreed on what they came for.(wage policy)  The bar service had begun and in one go they all ordered two bottles of red wine and a beer. The crew member was hesitant as this was out of his jurisdiction. He only gave them one drink at a time, but they constantly asked other crew for the same deed. They kept saying "the alcohol is free" and complained when the booze never arrived. They tried to argue the crew member in getting them more wine. Passengers were starting to get very annoyed.

For a two hour flight the alcohol consumption was at an extremely high level. Statistics show one glass of wine in the air is equivalent to three on the ground. So one can imagine the behaviour of these Union representatives.

Today's Flop OF THE DAY goes to COSATU for their ill mannered personal displaying greed and decayed mentality.

http://www.sabc.co.za/news/a/8452ca804cca604783fd9b712f83c7dd/Cosatu-calls-for-overhaul-macro-economic-policies-20122009

Grietfest 2012

Grietfest 2012 took place on the 15th of September, an annual event that out does the rest of SA! I must say this was probably the coolest party I have been to yet! The occasion was perfect to the "tea" everybody played their part including the weather.

Griet had already started at around 1:30 in the afternoon, but I only arrived at 7pm. My late arrival was mainly for the performance of Haezer (international DJ).
Knowing how amazing the turn out would be, I would have arrived at 12 to be the first inline.

Rocking performances from local DJ's and the foreign ones were outstanding. The talent not only from the DJ's showed but the ladies honestly delivered! Caravan's as V.I.P booths having 30 people squashed inside was EPIC!

Having four different dance floors and several different music genres was also the multi-cultural  experience.
Dress code also wasn't an issue as I saw some real characters. Even a Hyde look a like from that 70's show and many MK personal.

For all those people who missed out SHAME ON YOU!
Get your ticket for next year because its going to be big.

Brain Test

Test Your Brain This is really cool. ALZHEIMER'S EYE TEST (I love this part.. Its absolutely amazing!) Count every "F" in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..... (SEE BELOW) HOW MANY 'F's? Count them again. WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 'F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind this is further down. The brain cannot process "OF". F INISHED F ILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..... Incredible or what? Anyone who counts all 6 'F's on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.

The life of a South African

This email was sent to me by a friend. Its hilarious!!!

You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume" or a "kossie".

You call a traffic light a "robot".

You call an elevator a "lift"

You call a car hood a "bonnet"

You call a car trunk a "boot"

You call a pickup truck a "bakkie"

You call a Barbeque a "Braai"

Employees dance and sing in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.

The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.

You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.

You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.

You can sing your national anthem in four languages and you have no idea what it means in any of them.

You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.

You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.

You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.

You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.

You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.

You know a taxi can move twice its certified number of people in one trip.

You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.

You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee!

More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation.

"Now now" or "just now" can mean anything from a minute to a month.

You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.

Travelling at 120 km/h, you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.

A bullet train is being introduced, but potholes can't be fixed.

The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.

You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.

Prisoners, Doctors and Nurses go on strike.

You don't stop at red traffic lights, just in case somebody hijacks your car.

Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
You consider a high crime rate as normal.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA.

VIVA !!!!!