Malema's death wish

Former ANC Youth League President Julius Malema has once again found himself in a big pile of horse radish. He just doesn't know when enough is enough.

Australia has called for sanctions against us, Jacob Zuma is about to declare South Africa as a state of emergency and warrants of arrest have been issued to JUJU. Treason is another as he has targeted the South African Army. The headlines this morning showed that he will be turning himself in on charges of money laundering(Ratanang Trust), corruption and fraud. The other charges will hopefully follow     shortly after.


One man with no position and such power shows how many of us are ignorant and naive. He has caused havoc as well as detriment to our beloved South Africa. He was lucky to still get away with jail time because a bullet between the eyes would have been more appropriate.1821 is the year Napoleon died in Longwood on the island of St Helena. An island so small one can hardly see it on the world map (I think you all know where I'm going with this). Sentenced to exile.

Nelson Mandela created the humanistic philosophy of ubuntu whereas all race groups live together happily. That went out the window when that Moron got voice! So lets stand together as a country Black, White, Indian, Coloured and Asian and get rid of this racist dictator! Its time that we the people do whats right for our future. Investors are getting cold feet, tourism will be slowing down and the worse is still to come.

No positivity can possibly come from this. The future is in our hands.

Steve Hofmeyr

The TOP OF THE DAY goes to Steve(the South African HOFF) for his great interview on 5FM this morning.

The 1.9 Million record seller displayed good sportsmanship as he took kind insults for the team as well as reading a passage from the book "Fifty Shades of Grey". Which I must admit I did get aroused to a certain extent.
Gareth Cliff and the team had a fulfilling laugh as Steve's quick come backs to comments made by the caller were almost instantaneous. Gareth calling him a racist also didn't nudge him much.
Steve is sharp and witty, he is a true inspiration!

Watch Steve on the roast on Comedy Central on Monday. Lets see if he is able to defend himself.
Follow him on twitter @steve_hofmeyr for further information.

COSATU fail!

The Congress Of South African Trade Unions (COSATU) had representatives on a flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town. They were on a local flight, about 20 representatives boarded the plane and were already in a jolly mood.

Speaking overly loudly and announcing to everyone they had triumphed and agreed on what they came for.(wage policy)  The bar service had begun and in one go they all ordered two bottles of red wine and a beer. The crew member was hesitant as this was out of his jurisdiction. He only gave them one drink at a time, but they constantly asked other crew for the same deed. They kept saying "the alcohol is free" and complained when the booze never arrived. They tried to argue the crew member in getting them more wine. Passengers were starting to get very annoyed.

For a two hour flight the alcohol consumption was at an extremely high level. Statistics show one glass of wine in the air is equivalent to three on the ground. So one can imagine the behaviour of these Union representatives.

Today's Flop OF THE DAY goes to COSATU for their ill mannered personal displaying greed and decayed mentality.

http://www.sabc.co.za/news/a/8452ca804cca604783fd9b712f83c7dd/Cosatu-calls-for-overhaul-macro-economic-policies-20122009

Grietfest 2012

Grietfest 2012 took place on the 15th of September, an annual event that out does the rest of SA! I must say this was probably the coolest party I have been to yet! The occasion was perfect to the "tea" everybody played their part including the weather.

Griet had already started at around 1:30 in the afternoon, but I only arrived at 7pm. My late arrival was mainly for the performance of Haezer (international DJ).
Knowing how amazing the turn out would be, I would have arrived at 12 to be the first inline.

Rocking performances from local DJ's and the foreign ones were outstanding. The talent not only from the DJ's showed but the ladies honestly delivered! Caravan's as V.I.P booths having 30 people squashed inside was EPIC!

Having four different dance floors and several different music genres was also the multi-cultural  experience.
Dress code also wasn't an issue as I saw some real characters. Even a Hyde look a like from that 70's show and many MK personal.

For all those people who missed out SHAME ON YOU!
Get your ticket for next year because its going to be big.

Brain Test

Test Your Brain This is really cool. ALZHEIMER'S EYE TEST (I love this part.. Its absolutely amazing!) Count every "F" in the following text: FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..... (SEE BELOW) HOW MANY 'F's? Count them again. WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 'F's before you scroll down. The reasoning behind this is further down. The brain cannot process "OF". F INISHED F ILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIF IC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS..... Incredible or what? Anyone who counts all 6 'F's on the first go is a genius. Three is normal, four is quite rare.

The life of a South African

This email was sent to me by a friend. Its hilarious!!!

You call a bathing suit a "swimming costume" or a "kossie".

You call a traffic light a "robot".

You call an elevator a "lift"

You call a car hood a "bonnet"

You call a car trunk a "boot"

You call a pickup truck a "bakkie"

You call a Barbeque a "Braai"

Employees dance and sing in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.

The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.

You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.

You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.

You can sing your national anthem in four languages and you have no idea what it means in any of them.

You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.

You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.

You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.

You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.

You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.

You know a taxi can move twice its certified number of people in one trip.

You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.

You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee!

More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation.

"Now now" or "just now" can mean anything from a minute to a month.

You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.

Travelling at 120 km/h, you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.

A bullet train is being introduced, but potholes can't be fixed.

The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.

You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.

Prisoners, Doctors and Nurses go on strike.

You don't stop at red traffic lights, just in case somebody hijacks your car.

Rwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
You consider a high crime rate as normal.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA.

VIVA !!!!!

Diversity

South Africa is filled with an aberrant number of nationalities and cultures. South Africa is made up of 79.5% Black, 9% White, 9% Coloured and 2.5% Asian.

Each demographic has been associated with a different area of residence.  Lenasia and Marlboro (Johannesburg) has been affiliated with the Indian community, while Cyrildene is a large Chinese extraction. The Coloureds are mainly found in the Cape region and have small gatherings in Eldorado Park. The Whites are now subdivided into smaller groups (Jews, Afrikaans and Trash) Linksfield and Sandringham are volumed Jewish establishments. Benoni, Boksburg and Brakpan are Afrikaans and not to forget Oranje in the Freestate. The trashy Whites are found The Vale or even Brakpan ( commonly seen with tracksuits and backward baseball caps).

Its not only the areas they live in that make them diverse but the career paths they choose and the clothing they wear.

The Black public are mostly found either in the first world environment or in the third world ones. Politics or domestics.
The Indian folk will be seen in I.T, Finances or in repair shops customizing cars.
The Coloured's are known for gang life and illegal weapon and drug distribution (mainly Cape Town).
The Chinese congregation are the next generation mathematicians.
The Jews are our CEO's, Doctors and the economy's bread winners
The Afrikaans "mense" make up the Springbok Rugby Team.
The White Trash assist in the ongoing circle of life. ( one needs a P.A in order to make your work easier, at a supermarket there has to be one behind the counter to help us scan and pack.)

Clothing makes all these diverse classes more identifiable. Knowing if one should run or not.
Black politicians will always be dressed for congress, while the lower class are all "pants below the waste" generation, or the more locals would be seen in All-Stars and jeans with an Orlando Pirates hat.
Indians love their button up shirst and jeans.
Coloureds are more on the whatever to cover my body. (Cape Town)
The Chinese are all about Anime, the more cartoon they look the better.
The Jews are all about the executive look. Suits or chinos.
Our Afrikaaners will wear rugby shorts through all the seasons and be barefoot most of the time.
The White Trash amity wears vests and have mullets normally accompanied by a mustache.

This is why we have so many flags waved as everyone (worldwide) is able to fit in and feel comfortable.
Ubuntu!

South African taxis

The taxis in the South Africa are on a totally different level to the ones in Europe or even the famous "yellow cabs" in the USA. If you drive your own vehicle or even use taxis to commute, you know that there is a certain relief once you have arrived safely at your destination.

The reason for this recklessness lies in the fact that most taxis are not owned by their drivers and the owners demand a certain amount from them a week. In order to make a living they have to generate more than the demanded payments.

Their recklessness doesn't make them more aggressive but being a taxi driver comes with a certain attitude and behavior. Being a savage adds to their chauvinistic characteristic and the ability to do what one pleases drives them to insanity!

South African taxis are very well known by our law enforcement officials and broadcasting agencies as they are in constant trouble for instigating riots and hitting woman. Many taxi drivers have lost their lives in a result of being overconfident in their idiocracies.

Even though these are the minibuses of death they still are an iconic image of South Africa and does define us when it comes to public transport. But that image also comes with violence and irrational thinking.

So if there is anything that this country needs more than a stable economy, reduced crime rate, abandoning of corruption, more united society and greater sewage and waste disposal in the townships it's a better public transport system.

South Africa's ugly list. ( Afrikaans only)

South Africa has voted!

1. Yolandi Visser
2. Jack Parrow
3. Vernon Koekemoer
4. Steve Hoffmeyer
5. Kurt Darren
6. Warryn Fayard's girlfriend Amy (gender, race and nationality unknown)
7. Bakkies Botha
8. Leon Schuster

Keep voting. Send me emails for tomorrow's "most hated South African Politicians"
The top ranked politician will get a designated blog for himself/herself.

Stay posted.

South Africa's most arrogant

There are those certain stars in South Africa which just think to much of themselves. Here is a list of the top voted ones. (voted by local South Africans)

1. Julius Malema
2. Gareth Cliff
3. Kurt Darren
4. Darren Simpson
5. Pro-Verb
6. HHP
7. Steve Hoffmeyer
8. Mandoza
9. Andries Bekker
10. Graeme Smith
11. Trevor Noah
12. Jack Parrow

That wraps it up. I'll be posting one of these every 2 months. If anyone of the South African celebs have a slight hiccup or do something stupid they might just climb the ladder. SO GET VOTING!

Darren Simpson

The moment Darren "whackhead" Simpson took over the morning radio show on 94.7 Highveld Stereo it has gone downhill. Whackhead was always the funny comedian on the sideline that everyone tolerated. Many complaints have stated that his voice and presentation don't suit him to be the anchor.

Ever since he got the job his attitude has raised with his paycheck. The manner in which he conducts himself to others is a little disturbing as he is in the public eye. Whackhead isn't much of a celebrity anyway so why gain a complex? At the recent Joburg Day function he demanded a powerade in a degradable manner. The waiter was left speechless at the disrespect that he had shown him. Whackhead's exact words "give me a powerage!" not even making eye contact. It may sound petty but this is a happy day! If you going to be moody stay home.

Does the happy morning radio presenter suffer from the so called small man syndrome? Or is it really just the type of person he is?

It's party time!

It's that time of the year again where it is fun to be in the sun. Wild waters will be getting wet and wild with Nicci beach on the home front!

H2O this year is sponsored by Lavoka and Fullmoon. The biggest party in Johannesburg will be kicking off on the 29Th of September 2012. This is going to be one of those unforgettable moments.

The DJ line up is also one to be amazed about, with the likes of:

• JuicyM (voted world's sexiest DJ)
• Bobby Burns ( Ranked 2219th on the DJ list)
• Tony Cha Cha (collaborations with Dj Chuckie and Sidney Samson)
• Afrojack (listed 7th on the DJmag top 100)

Only 18 days, 22 hours, 55 minutes and 2 seconds left before party time.

Don't forget to wear something tight!

Our unique government

When the topic of politics or the South African government come up in conversation one has to automatically chuckle. Not because we are a joke but because things are run a whole lot different in the rest of the world.

Well for starters our President has 7 wives and estimated by the Daily Mail about 20 children. The African National Congress (ANC) has complained for his over spending on spousal support. Seeing that he has 7 wives to support and 20 children the country will be broke by the time they reach University. (you'd do the same for your wife and children)

The lack of focus on major problems and the over focus on minor ones can make one wonder too. The Metro Police Department must be chaotic with  an overload on CV's as everybody wants to be a traffic cop. It's the new glamour job, it has it's perks! You might even get a free meal that day depending on how hard you try. (or should I say work)

Is it weird that I take a fancy to the traffic police? Does that make me Metro-Sexual??

The masculine femininity and feminine masculinity roles are growing at a rapid pace. With a female Chief of police it does raise questions to men. More women are doing the men's work.

Another area of concern is the overly sized bar graph representing our crime rate. South Africa is known world wide for a high crime statistic. Let us be grateful as this statistic put us on the map. Nonetheless, 7.7% of our GDP is generated through tourism. 63-Million people visited South Africa in the last year, so it can't be that bad.

It's those certain things that make a South African feel South African. We wouldn't function in a normal environment with rules and orders. That just isn't us!

We are still one of the most influential countries in Africa regardless of what they say. That's me just saying.

Gym

I'm sitting here at the gym (Virgin Active) and reality had stuck. Gym in South Africa is really more of a social activity than a place of health living.

Friend circles, fathers and sons as well as house wives commute daily to the gym to meet with familiar faces. The new in thing is to walk around with a wife beater (vest) and a USN shaker looking as cool as possible. The bigger you are the better looking apparently you are. The typical housewife gym goer should look sporty, small and must have a Blackberry.

It might sound all well and dandy as the youth is exercising, but there is a huge problem of steroid use. The body can grow only so much, so to get bigger one must use illegal substances. The hilarious thing is that they believe they the most beautiful human being to roam the planet. Meanwhile the gym revolves around their entire life. A stable career and healthy living which the gym is intended for isn't an option.

The moment I had enough and was tired I left the gym. On the way out I saw all these gym bunnies standing outside speaking overly loud, smoking and every second word was an F word. They were so "COOL"!

Its the little things in life...

Something South African

Its just one of those things that makes one feel home.

South Africa is home to many products that makes you feel home, may it be from the Mrs. Balls chutney to the Kurt Darren albums.
On certain days, for instance on a Sunday the locals would have a traditional braai. To accompany this braai a Castle Lager beer is in order.

There are a few steps that make this day so traditional:

1. The man of the house sets up the braai by piling up a pyramid of charcoal. He enters the house to rest.
2. The woman will wake up early to prepare a variety of salads.
3. She will peal potatoes and cook rice.
4. She'll go buy the meat.
5. She'll also set the table and make sure the house is clean and in order.
6. At around midday the guests would arrive and the woman would welcome the guests with a beverage.
7. The man would start the fire and let the coals settle while he mingles inconspicuously with the guests.
8. The woman would spice the meat and place it next to the braai.
9. She brings out the pre-snacks before the main course.
10. She'll even set the table.
11. The man would cook the meat and bring it to the table.
12. After a long day everyone is satisfied the man would tell a joke and everyone laughs.
13. All the guests thank the man for his hard work and very divine meal. The man feels like the alpha and goes to bed.

This is a traditional South African Sunday and don't forget the occasion gets even more social when the rugby is on. But a braai will always be the South African dish.

When South Africa touches royalty

South Africa hasn't failed to produced great swimmers. Every four years when South Africa steps up to the plate it's almost certain our medals will come from the pool.

The 2012 London Olympics was definitely one of the most iconic Games for the swim team yet!

Former South African swimmer and now Princess Charlene of Monaco wishes them best of luck for the Games ahead. Princess Charlene had met Prince Albert at Olympics, so for them attending is not only a special gesture but a romantic continuation of their love story.

This must have been a very proud moment for the boys!

Die Antwoord

South African sensation "Die Antwoord" have taken the planet by storm! Having surpassed any other local talent Die Antwoord have really been influential to the South African music industry. Gaining such support and recognition in the USA, appearing on the David Letterman show have added to their success.

The beginning of my blog starts off with a local music group which have shown what it takes to be the best. I'm all about "local is Lekker". Proudly South African is our patriotism. Die Antwoord have proven this as they have continuously been performing in the local lingo of Afrikaans.

This hasn't stopped them from achieving their goals. As we can see they still have so much more in them! watch this space...

Don't forget to catch them at Block Party on the 15th of October 2012, as well as the opening performance at the Johannesburg Linkin Park concert at Soccer City on the 10th of November 2012.

Stay posted.